i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
