thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Ladies don't puke and tell
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
