My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
