Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
