You can't special order awesome
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize