After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
