If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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