I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
