My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
