I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
