someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
