i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
