How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
