eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize