Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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