I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize