Your tits are I can't wait for
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How external is "for external use only"?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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