There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
