i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
