she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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