i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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