yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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