Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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