If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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