Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize