omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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