omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
