i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
