the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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