There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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