Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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