planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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