I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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