I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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