things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
