how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
