you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I could make wine with my vomit
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
