i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
