oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
