similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
