he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize