i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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