I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize