12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
