i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
