I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize