My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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