I wannas sexs uuuuu
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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