a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize