dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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