the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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