not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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