2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
