I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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