I just gift wrapped bread.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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