WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
MIDGETS
????
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
