is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
