I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
