i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it's like heaven, but drunker
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
