wrigley field is MILF paradise
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
