Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Found the puke drawer
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Randomize
