the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
