You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
