Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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