Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
