When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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