I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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