My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
