theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
