I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
