That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
