that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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