and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
