I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
