I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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