just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
