We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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