I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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