at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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