Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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