I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
