don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We left the knife in your bed.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
