You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
