your room smells of hookers.
And success
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
