My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
