All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
