i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We got so high we made milksteak
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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