I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
