We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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