the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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