dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
